Loving-Kindness (Metta)

A structured practice silently offering well-wishes, traditionally moving through a sequence: oneself, a loved one, a neutral person, someone difficult, and eventually all beings. It's distinct from the more attention-focused techniques elsewhere in this family, working instead with a specific emotional and relational intention.

“Start with yourself, and let the circle widen only as far as feels available today.”

Cue: “Silently offer well-wishes, moving from yourself outward through progressively wider circles”

The traditional sequence starts with the practitioner themselves, which can feel counterintuitive to some students who expect a practice like this to begin with others. That starting point is intentional. The tradition holds that genuine goodwill toward others is supported by first offering it to oneself.

To silently offer well-wishes, moving through a traditional sequence of widening circles, beginning with oneself.

1. 1Settle into a comfortable seated position.
2. 2Begin by silently offering well-wishes to yourself, using a phrase such as "may I be happy, may I be healthy, may I be at ease," repeated a few times.
3. 3Bring to mind someone you care about easily, and offer the same phrases to them.
4. 4Bring to mind someone neutral, someone you neither particularly like nor dislike, and offer the same phrases.
5. 5If it feels available today, bring to mind someone more difficult, and offer the same phrases, even if only partially or with some resistance.
6. 6Widen the circle to include all beings, offering the same well-wishes broadly.

Instead of searching for the “correct” position, notice:

• •Not applicable in the usual sense. A stable, comfortable seated position supports this technique.

Some traditions pair each phrase with a breath. Others let the phrases unfold at their own pace independent of breath. Either is reasonable.

Watch for signs of real distress during the "difficult person" stage specifically, and make clear in advance that skipping or shortening that stage is a completely legitimate choice, not a failure to complete the practice correctly.

Reflect after practising:

• •Starting with yourself is intentional, even if it feels unusual. The tradition holds that goodwill toward others is supported by first offering it to yourself.
• •The "difficult person" stage is optional. If it brings up real distress, skipping it, or choosing someone only mildly difficult rather than someone genuinely painful, is a reasonable choice.

Rather than mistakes, you may notice:

• •Offer the first three stages, self, loved one, neutral person, as a complete shorter practice, saving the more emotionally demanding stages for when a student has more familiarity with the technique.

• •Shortening the sequence to only the first two or three stages, for anyone newer to this technique or for whom the later stages feel too emotionally demanding today.

• ✓Let the well-wishes settle into a broad, general sense of goodwill before opening the eyes and returning to regular activity.